sarcasm needs its own font
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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