Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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