It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's shark week go big or go home
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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