i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
