You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
