I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
