i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
