I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you inspire me to be a worse person
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
