now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
