Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize