I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
