My pussy is not your playground.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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