Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
