I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
