can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
