I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
