That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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