I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
