I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
