I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
