A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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