i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
