Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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