Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
