I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
