New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
