Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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