We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
