I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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