worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize