you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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