they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
