did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
