my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
