I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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