I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize