I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
