dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
