I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
