She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I want her autograph on my taint
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
