woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
