ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
