I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
