I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
