I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
