1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
