just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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