Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize