This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize