i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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