Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
