I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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