Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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