glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
