does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize