airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
