even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
