That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
