Don't make out with my wife yet
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
