Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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