I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
