My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize