I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
