are you still at the devil's house?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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