hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The adults are the big ones right?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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